please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
