Your dad touched me again.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I touched a dick in church today
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
