I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
