he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
