Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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