Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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