what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
