I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
