Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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