I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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