how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I smell like Dick and happiness
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
