Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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