I heard we made out
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
