Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
