I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
where does the pee come out of this thing
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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