well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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