I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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