Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
