I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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