He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
