alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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