Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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