Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
