she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
