dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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