I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
