Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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