butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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