just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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