You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
