are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
