Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
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