I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
