i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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