one word: firstdatebathroomanal
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
