you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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