Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
