I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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