He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
