listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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