there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
