Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
