You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
