Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
not ubering you a puppy
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
