evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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