I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
