we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
