ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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