i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
