I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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