Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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