The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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