I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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