she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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