Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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