this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
