i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
MIDGETS
????
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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