I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
