i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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