Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
