Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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