It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
